“Divorce affects more than the direct family. It really impacts the people around you. And I think that a lot of that has deepened my commitment that you work past those things.”
My sister got divorced. I don’t have any brothers and her husband was the big brother I never had. She’s thirteen years older than me. When she got married I was a teenager. He was the guy that would have vetted my boyfriends if I had any in high school. We had that kind of relationship.
It was traumatic for me when their marriage ended. It was strange because I couldn’t share it with her, because she was going through her own pain. But I had this real, big sense of loss. It reinforced the fact that I will not do that. I’ve been married for 22 years now. My parents were divorced and my one sister and it cemented the idea that I will never do that, not for anything for other than like a catastrophe, which if you know my husband doesn’t make any sense.
I prayed a lot about it and I ended up writing a letter to both of them. I told them, “I love you both but I think you’re making a mistake and this is why…” It wasn’t judgmental, but it was kind of like, “please think about these things.” It didn’t work, but it was a healing thing to do. My brother-in-law talked to me about it. He called me one day and said, “I got your letter and we’re not going to get back together, but I appreciate it and I still love you.” Divorce affects more than the direct family. It really impacts the people around you. And I think that a lot of that has deepened my commitment that you work past those things.